It's getting cold and rainy outside now, with snow just around the corner. Soon, the world will darken and be drowned in the seductive merriness of flickering candles and twinkling holiday lights. Bands of children will skip about, singing Christmas carols on the streets. Warm scents of baked apple and pumpkin pie, roasted meats, steaming mashed potatoes, hot cider, and spiked eggnogg will waft through the air and hypnotize our senses. We will feel the distinct need to gather our families around us, make roaring fires, and indulge in long evenings of playing card games and watching "It's a Wonderful Life".

But WAIT.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all onboard with the whole candles and food scene around the holidays. Turkey? Pie? Cranberries? Yay! Bring it on. And candles have a certain gothic appeal I enjoy throughout the entire year. But my big beef with the holidays (aside from the insane shopping frenzy) is the entertainment on those long, dark nights. And sorry - I'm just not into football.

So what's left? Christmas with the Kranks? Deck the Halls? Miracle on 34th Street? And please, god - say it ain't so - endless re-runs of Home Alone?

Somebody pass me the pistol.

So I reckon I have to make up my own Holiday Movie List. And as any alert reader will have probably guessed, this one's not exactly sticky-sweet. More like punk-rock-gothic. And anti-Holiday. No sappiness here.

- The Doom Generation: Rude, lewd, violent, yet hypnotically entertaining if you're not afraid of the F-word.
- GoDeadwood's Timothy Oliphant is beyond brilliant as pissed off drug dealer, Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr have perfect comic timing, and Sarah Polley shows ... uhm ... true survivor ingenuity. What's not to like? Oh, right. Ignore Katie Holmes.
- Bram Stoker's Dracula: Brilliant. Timeless.
- A Nightmare Before Christmas: Awesome movie, moderately enhanced by 3D. Catch it on the big screen if you can.
- Anything else Tim Burton's ever made. Particularly: Sleepy Hollow. Beetlejuice. Mars Attacks!
- Almost anything with Rose McGowan in it. Especially: Jawbreaker. Devil in the Flesh. Death Proof and Planet Terror. And of course Doom Generation.
- Also - anything with vampires in it, but mostly: Interview with the Vampire. Underworld. And the somewhat lighter From Dusk Till Dawn.
- And randomly: Cursed, Bound, A Clockwork Orange, Natural Born Killers, Bitter Moon, Chronicles of Riddick, Four Rooms, Sin City, Fight Club, Gladiator, The Jacket, Name of the Rose, Moulin Rouge, Passion in the Desert, Cat People, Ravenous, The Crow.
- On the crossover: anything Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, and Roman Polanski have ever directed.
- And last, but not least - is there anything more effective against the twisted sentimentality of Christmas than a movie about the presence of hell? Therefore, I give you: Constantine. The Ninth Gate. The Omen.

There. That should keep you entertained for a while.

Updated note: OMG - how could I have possibly omitted Rocky Horror? Shame, shame ...

Ahh, "Anti-Holiday Movie List" you say. Don't you mean "Anti-Christmas Movie List"? Now you better watch out or the AFA and their little loofah throwing minons will be saying that you are declaring a "War on Christmas". :) Thanks for the list!