It's April, and yet another season of baby showers and weddings is creeping up again.

Most people are offended when I politely decline to participate in the first, and to photograph the second. They don't understand because they don't know.

So then here is my confession: I've been traumatized.

During the last baby shower I went to, the organizers thought a funny game would be to have the attendees chew big wads of pink bubble gum with the goal of shaping the resulting mushy-slimy ball into a tiny baby.

But NO. It wasn't FUN. It was the furthest thing from it, actually. It was gross and on some primal level, deeply disturbing. I'll never forget the sight of those 10 very grotesque-looking baby-shaped pieces of bubble gum - not unlike tiny aborted fetuses - sitting on pale-purple paper napkins. I think the winning "baby" got a bottle of shower gel. But I don't really remember. By that time I was already deep into my trauma, clutching my plastic cup of coke and sorely wishing for a large bottle of Jack to add to it. (As a disclaimer, I have to add that I'd bet my right arm that my dear friend and the mother-to-be, for whom said baby shower was thrown, didn't have an inkling of what was planned. If she did, I'm sure she would have put her foot firmly down on the "NO" pad...).

Now, you may say that you can understand that - but weddings? You will point out that they are unbridled fun, with a happy couple, free-flowing booze and great food. To that, my only response is: "Sure. If you are not the designated photographer they are."

Because you see - as wedding photographer, your first and foremost duty is to take lots of pictures of the happy couple. But mostly of the bride, as she has probably taken out a second mortgage on her house to pay for the professional hair, make-up, jewelry and a dress she will (most likely) never wear again.

Last time I shot a wedding then - dedicated professional that I am - I stayed away from the provided booze and food to focus my undivided attention on the bride.

By 11am, nervous as she was, she popped the cork on her first bottle of champagne in the dressing room.
By 2pm, and shortly after the ceremony proper, all the make-up drained off her face in a champagne-and-happiness-induced monsoon of tears.
By 3pm - liberated from previously-mentioned nervousness - she sucked the face off the groom after the traditional cake-cutting ceremony. In front of the entire gathering of wedding guests, mind you. There was some wincing, yes.
Shortly after 4pm, she face-planted on the dance floor.

Do you really need me to go on?

So please - don't pout if I bow out of your baby shower. Or decline to point my camera at our at your wedding bouquet.

I know you understand now.

Don't you?

I feel the same way. Weddings, even when your not the photog, are draining. REmember last Summer? Yeah, I went to six weddings in 3 months and I was in 3 of them. That sucked.

Wow, all you had to do was tell me you didn't want to come to my baby shower (which didn't have games). I would have took it a whole lot better than reading an blog post for everyone to see and point me to.

Sigh.

Oh, Shannon. I wish you wouldn't have taken it so damn personally.
Did I say I *wasn't* coming to your shower on the 29th?

The post actually was triggered not by your impending shower, but rather by a few inquiries from people wanting me to shoot their wedding.

Besides - I wrote it to be tongue-in-cheek funny. Not offensive. And certainly not pointed at you.y