November 14, 2003

So yesterday I get this little letter from the Superior Court for the State of California.

It states that I'm eligible to claim a voucher from Microsoft as part of their 1.1 billion "unfair competition" settlement with the State, because I bought a copy of Windows as part of my last computer purchase (not like I really had a choice there - but I suppose that's besides the point). Enclosed is a 3-page claim form.

At first I'm somewhat pleased that the good people from the great State of California and the even better people from Microsoft have worked together to get the little consumer - me - some money back. Not that that would really make up for the hours of technical mayhem, caused by the many glaring flaws and security holes in the Windows operating system. But - hey.

Then I start to look more closely, and discover that the voucher would be valued at a whopping 16 bucks. Not that that would be cash or anything. No buying Starbucks Frappuchinos with this one. No, no. It's actually a voucher that can be used (and I quote) "towards the purchase of desktop, laptop or tablet computers, printers, scanners, monitors, keyboards, pointing devices (e.g. mouse or trackball) and generally available software made by any manufacturer" - but preferably Microsoft, right? (And you show me any piece of software or hardware that you can buy for 16 bucks or less - so you'll end up paying on top of it anyway.)

Another look at the claim form also reveals that my phone number, as well as my email address (which is optional however), and either my Social Security Number or a copy of my drivers license is required to file the claim.

Excuse me?

So correct me if I'm wrong: but I'm supposed to give up my privacy (to whom? Microsoft? I can't wait for all that wonderful marketing material I will receive in response, or the many tele-marketing calls during dinner after Microsoft has sold my information to the world) in exchange for a lousy 16 bucks? And I certainly didn't see any opt-out language on that claim form either...

So let's see: Microsoft resolves its antitrust problems in California, gets a bunch of valuable customer information they can input into their databases to market to and/or sell at will (cause who's gonna stop them, really?) - and they have a chance at not only recouping their 16 bucks by having the voucher redeemed on one of their products, but potentially also *make* more money if the voucher is used in conjunction with a bigger and pricier purchase that the customer wouldn't have made, had he not been forced to redeem the voucher, or give up his claim to the settlement?

I'll be damned.
If this isn't the world's most brilliant marketing ploy, then I don't know what is.
I can see ole' Bill rubbing his palms and mumbling to himself: "Bring on the anti-trust settlements! By all means!"